Prayers to Jake

(clasped hands) Jake, Thanks for fixing my computer yet again, I'd be lost without you. Do you remember a few years ago when my computer wouldn't start and I couldn't figure out why so I prayed to you? Who am I kidding? Of course you do, you're Jake! I merely had to pray to you for guidance and while you weren't able to fix it instantly I did feel you speak to me; I felt you in my heart. You made me realize I needed to open the computer, and when I opened it I instantly knew why you guided me to do that.

I got a tattoo for Xmass.

Then tonight we found this under a biscuit !

PROOF !!! PROOF OF DIVINITY !!!!

Sometimes it pays to be in the right place...
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" Dear Jake. I have been praying for a naked teenage chick to turn up on my doorstep with a bottle of champagne. Please get it together or I shall have to find a new object of worship.

Yours in faith.

Take that Krishna !
I pray that at least 10,000 dollars miraculously end up on my doorstep.
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Another happy customer !
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So here's something funny...

Today my computer speakers blew out. Flat dead. Having a bit of fun, I prayed to god to fix them. Nothin'. Then I prayed to Jake, and lo and behold, my speakers worked anew... well, they're still pieces of shit, but one of them plays music again.

Then (this is a bit gross) I've been having some trouble in my nasal cavity lately. I won't get into the details, but it has made the simple act of breathing a raw, painful affair. Trying to test my experiment once more, I prayed to god and got bupkis. Then I prayed to Jake and I was healed!

I just called a guy I'm buying a bed from, but was only able to get his answering service. I can't sleep on the couch another night. I've prayed to Jake, and if the guy calls back, I may just have to melt down my mother's golden jewelry and build a shrine to Him. That's never gone wrong before, right?

Need to pray on the go ? Need a more direct access to the one you're praying to ? Now you can pray online using Twitter ! With Twitter you can upload your prayer and get a response within hours to your pc, cell phone, or smart phone ! Want to know if you're going to do well on that test ? Twitter a prayer to Jake ! Want world peace ? Twitter a prayer to Jake ! Want your rice not to burn ? Twitter a prayer to Jake !